Ellipsis

poetry

When I think about the death of my parents
Of those I love
I’m overcome with repudiation.
It will never happen
Not me
Not to me
But maybe it can’t be avoided.
And who will it be?
Can I deny the inevitable until it becomes reality?
Who first?
Why them?
Why me?
Why not me?
And then what?
What will I do?
What happens next?
Cry at the funeral?
Know they’re “in a better place”?
Be consumed with self-loathing?
Filled with regret?
Why this?
Why now?
A shadow that I can’t shake.
A thick vapor that chokes.
The invisible talons that dig into my chest
Clutch my lungs and squeeze.
And I’ll sweat and weep
And it won’t be very poetic.
But if it happens
When it happens
I think I’ll have a lot of questions.

Precipitation

poetry

There are still dirt driveways
in our fair city,
and when it rains these
driveways turn to mud.

Just beyond the parts where
drunk twenty-somethings
climb in to their girlfriend’s cars
to drive past twenty-five shops
that they’ve never seen, only
heard of, there are Dead Tracks.

Foundry coke liters the lines,
the detritus of the pinnacles of
modern achievement
fifty years ago. Meanwhile,
all-but abandoned, mostly-
forgotten two-story buildings
set a frame for unused, overgrown
infrastructure to cut through.

I felt like an Aberration,
ghosting through the unused
parts and counting railroad ties.
Kicking the coke and rubbing
my chilled hands together.
Setting a pace over uneven ground.
Breathing deep the decay of
seemingly ancient modernization.

There are still dirt driveways
in our fair city,
and when it rains these
driveways turn to mud.
I shudder to think
what happens to
the rest of it.

if i knew life would have turned out this good i think i would have approached my younger years and days with a little more gloom. seems i was too happy then too. holy crap when will this blessing end?

poetry

nights like these used to be so romantic
there was always something better
that could be
the food was terrible and the weather
just right
our hope for what was to come
probably in a chair nearby
and we hoped and dreamed
that this was misery we were experiencing

somehow making each moment more
worthwhile
telling ourselves this was suffering
and perhaps it was compared to the ecstasy
that was to follow

i cant help but wonder
whats it called when everyday is
exactly as wonderful as it should be?

when my job is to think about
furthering your kingdom
and here from another part of the world
living in another part of the world
doing another altogether similar thing
one more rejoicing over similar confusion
at just how lucky we are

will it end?

Germs

poetry

The sun rose again
I called on the Bodhisattva to carry my weight
the fanfare sickened my heart
with its volatile emotions
and I forgot my name.

Bathroom’s scribbles
Jena has got siphillis
Alice h.e.a.r.t.s Jack
L is a fat lying b#&*
politik suks.

Incontinent unhygienic bastards
with their pink blue black ink
let their minds defecate over bathroom walls and doors
The stench of the 21rst century emotional discharge
permeated my skin
and I lost my mind

Puppies scrambling for existence
their blood growing thinner and toxic
screaming at each other
fucking looser
retard
fag

The sun hid again
the Matryoshka doll sounded out my soul,
and called me shallow
real flowers lie low, she said,
true worms rage down below the trash can
and I broke the mold.

friggin temporary

poetry

stress relievers
come at the end of flights
not in pill shaped form
(although if the hallucination was strong enough)
and when i test you
i know all the more
you were what i needed

sun at my back
hope for a future
and healthcare
i trust

hospitals without
piss and blood on the floors

its here i belong

for now

This one is a poem I wrote late at night about writing poems late at night (or it could be if you either squint really hard or scroll back a few pages)

poetry

The best way
to prepare for
a busy day
(or so I’ve found)
is staying up far,
far too late
and reading up
on History
(and on guitars
specifically)
while two loads
of laundry
bang around
conspicuously
with washer and dryer
doing all the work of
two good housewives of
yesteryear,and
in half the time,
I might add (though
one would think it goes
without saying, but
then, not a lot of
people take the time
to realize that something
as mundane as an
electric washer
would get you either
burned at the stake
or drowned at the river
only a few hundred
years ago),
But I digress:
the buzzer buzzed:
I think I can finally sleep.