after all

poetry

overtaking me a dream for sleep
so strong where we hold hands
on a hazy summer day never
to come again i imagine
static shock crackling as
i touch your soft pale skin
that is really the sound
of the blazing forest blending
into hallucination

exhausted i rest on frozen snow
and behind me the forest is burning
i flee exactly as all animals do
but with energy leaving me as
blood, flowing down my torso
a wound that will would overcome
if i had it

i was not the one to save us
after all

hold it the fuck together

poetry

don’t drown
don’t drown
don’t drown
the waves are higher and you’re fatigued
beyond a reasonable limit. time to stand
still and stay afloat and relax your arms
and never give up but stop the fight
don’t drown
don’t drown
don’t drown

4.28.22

poetry

yea, to be pierced thorugh the heart
would kill me, and a deep enough cut
would bleed me dry out in the cold
or anywhere, after enough time

I am corrosion-resistent, at least,
and my skin stays supple in the rain
though it tears on the briars
and my bones and teeth are free of rust
even as they flex under their own weight
or grind to a flat, respectively

but I don’t have to tell you any of this
wrapped in your long coat bouncing
down a boulveard at 4am and waving off the car
as it flags you down to offer
to get you home a little dryer

so our feet hurt now but for what it’s worth
we won’t have to worry about oil
in the joints in the morning or
a protective coating like we would a wrench
I will simply wrest a bit tomorrow
but I don’t have to tell you any of this

joshua

poetry

the crowd goes mute by a push of the button
and i sit in the shadows of the city
they say a man had flew without wings
and i don’t believe them
in the days after we ripped a man
from the cross that the roman’s had killed
time goes slower if you pay attention
so i don’t blame them for wanting

The 5th Of July

poetry

You are a photo of someone
that I’ve never known, shot
from 30 feet away at dusk
on a sandy inland beach;
a black splotch on a blue-
orange nothing
with the grain enhanced
digitally for character,
alien and untrue and
exactly how I remember it
when I close my eyes

an open-ended question
at twenty-six and ten months
with my back to the dunes
with you haunting the periphery
as the kites flew
until an oil-paint sun
was pulled down into Lake Michigan
and I was forced to change the brightness
so I could see again

Circumference Of Nothing

poetry

I didn’t even shout out loud
when the wind picked up
or the sleet burned my face
or any of the other things

I kept my head down this time
kept both feet moving forward
this time
I didn’t even look back once

you spelled out the perfect measurement
down to the finest degree
and I finally took your word for it
so I never dug out my old protractor
So I never even checked the math

first impression

poetry

you’re wrong if you think i won’t do
whatever i need to do
because actually i have no love for you
i swear if i feel the need to peel the steel
i’d point it at you
what i’m saying is i’m eating
one way or the other
no matter family mother sister brother
this is neither bet nor threat
but a reminder to myself and others
i have never nor will ever stay down

separation

poetry

the executioner is invisible
the day’s pay is randomized
the language is contradictory
the school is full of parasites
then the people choose to pray to
whomever success correlates
and if nothing within the realm
of reason reveals itself then
the next best thing is chosen
or else suffering would be realized
and the best system never realizes
it’s suffering
thanks dad

gollem hält flamme 2

poetry

what one person is to many
many are to the dream
which
we must keep alive at all cost

even if your family hates you
and you walk across the tundra
and the sound of the permafrost
cracking mixes with the sound
of your brittle bones cracking
and the radiating karma melts
your skin as it falls off your
body all so that the tiny sputtering
flickering flame you hold in
your hands does not go out

the very idea of such fills
you with anxiety and sadness too
profound for you to speak about
as a thought too scary for you
to even acknowledge as it dances
across the inside of your brain

that the dream which you would not
wake yourself to leave may have
been a bad thing all along and
therefore the many may have been
needlessly cast aside and even
the one,
oh the one,
you that is,
the one even down to the way you
opened your door and said hi
to your neighbor could have actually
been the all important thing

and damn the flame and damn the carrying
of it over the mountains and through
the woods and across the tundra
and then burping up in the consolatory
idea that you’d known you would think
this when the light begins to dim

because what is there to do but question
what you had done before when the
outcome is so grim but your heart knows
that the bargain you made with yourself
the devil,
that is,
inside of yourself
was a forfeit and bad one and now you are
here at the edge of the earth looking
a zombified mess holding this little
pathetic idea in your head with a new kind of
sadness

a new kind of cry
a new kind of tear
drips down your cheek
and extinguishes the flame

you hear a new voice inside you
whisper so gently that
after all this time, you’ve finally made it
but every cell inside of you is painfully aware of
a secret truth which underpinned everything
and that you always knew and now know even more

that it is too late

the hills you die on

poetry

there’s a doctor
in your town
who kills all the animals
that no one wants

and there’s an oven
in your town
where they pile the dead
dogs atop one another
and burn them

and that’s okay with you

it’s not just the city
you were born in but
one which you choose to stay
and you lie all the time
about whether or not you can leave
and many more things

and actually it’s more than
just okay with you because
there’s a headstone up on a hill there
and you fucking paid for it

and i’ll forget
about you just like
you forgot about
the dogs you had put down
because i will never forget
about that

carrying the fat man

poetry

a poem that i never wrote

i won’t ever get done unpacking
settle down and let you in

chemicals that made me choke

and i’ve been forging my own signature,
too
calling myself by different names

umbilical wrapped round my throat

but i am not even a hobo or
hopping trains i just walk in circles
and sleep on the floor and
i can’t even bare the thought

a half baked thought,
in a mangey coat

of having pride in a home
so you can’t possibly love me

words you hoped i’d never write
actions that control your life

because there’s no one to love

dear mother

god is kicking down

poetry

you do desire to be read
like a book you do
as you are what man
is, romantic fool
or a minute volitante


would you could you
sift through my waste
in order to sanely pick
a speck of me worth keeping
and prove that i am real
even if hard to see

shake my jaws apart
mirror-face
and lay wasted
in a hole
on a sunday
only i can fly
in my dreams

lost as a man but not an object
or lost as an object but not a man
or not quite lost at all yet
a beacon to be pointed to

unlike the tiny eye floater

doing your best

poetry

it’s friday night
as the last flight leaves from houston
as i look out the window
it seems that all the lights are on
but it is actually a great
burning trash pile
attracting something much bigger than a bear

the engines on the plane churn
like mule-less mills but from
whence do they find their motion?

from the parasites eating away at you
from your unasleep mind racing
fretting about your disorganized soul

and you cannot make out
what comes around the horizon
nor have you the strength
to blow the smoke away

coast bound collection

poetry

i hate tuning the guitar
i am only happy when i can just pick it up and play
and however it sounds is how i am feeling

but songs like that don’t get played on the radio


All the money towers are unique
All in the same way and
Just money towers, after all
Let their ephemeral and illusory grandeur
Wash over you and into the sewer
And be amazed at not just the pieces and parts
But that a person would put them together
In this particular order
To make a big impressive money tower
For fools to feel small below
Or fools to feel big atop
And to carry the money up and down
Because that’s what money towers are for


The city is drowning in bad dreams
That any man so inclined
and with enough effort
could wipe away
Albeit the sounds of the highway are deafening
But that’s a cross we’re all born to carry
Whether or not to go outside
You can’t stop them all from dreaming or even fill their heads with butterflies
But that’s a cross we’re all born to carry
Which is the truth you’ve no choice but to face one day
Which we are all fated for
Dust in our mouth, whip to our back, the whole town gawks and jeers like in a feature film
How we carry that cross is up to us but
To be honest
It won’t matter either way
Because no one can go back in time
So you can waste your last moments debating on whether or not you like the taste of your own sweat or not
As long as it was worth something


I open the window and let the cold air rush in
that among many things is at least okay
i high off the smell of fall long to be intoxicated
and as the birds fly i hear all the things that are free
calling me to come out and play in the piles of
freshly fallen electric bills as the sirens wail and
the shore inches towards my toes but i am so very afraid
so i close the window
the stale air makes me sad
i wonder why i am so very afraid
and pull the blankets over my face
like i am flipping numbers around in a math equation
that will always end the same way
like a fork in the road, window open or blankets warm
matter will live each way but which will more to me
or which of me is bigger are all thoughts i have
before i go back to which is always the same
work

Crowd Control

poetry

Running afoul of
the law of
the jungle
with a gun tucked in a belt
with a hair trigger
with a sputter and a cough

they will beat you
to death
with clubs and fists
just to teach a lesson

they will set you on fire
but for the gun and
they will tear you to shreds
but for the hair trigger

but the belt
is tight in the humid
and the sun
and it is too tight
when you draw

and the legeslators
of the jungle
call out their laws
and the cops
have come for you

and the clubs
are coming down
now

whyy

poetry

nobody wants to hear your
spoken word piece
nobody thinks your
life is interesting
you just want so badly
to say it out loud
that there’s an entire
industry designed to let you

nobody wants to read your book
or your poetry
nobody relates to or
feels excited by your words
but it’s free to
write them down
or post them or
throw them away

if you make it big
it’s not because your
stuff is good it’s
because it’s useful

yeah it’s unique…
uniquely unoriginal
and perfectly fit for the
modern narrative

your self importance
is a ringworm eating
and getting ever bigger when
ever you do and you eat
eat eat until it’s all over

and mommy will congratulate
the big baby who did nothing
but finally stop crying