What do you want?
What do you really want?

How does it add up
to all the things you
think that you’ve
accomplished?

What do you think you want?
Do you even know?

Have you even considered
the possibility that
you’ve got everything you
ever really wanted?

Because odds are,
you probably do.

Or odds are,
you don’t.

Either way,
I don’t know anyway
so stop asking me for handouts

i want to smoke
i want to swear
i want to escape,

the hum-drum,
ordinary,
day to day;

to find more
to do more
to be more,

but for now
i’d settle
for just a good smoke.

the cut of
Steel strings feels
so nice beneath these
aching fingers

remember before
these cardboard houses
stood in the way?
you saw so much less
but had it all figured out
didn’t you?
please don’t break
all that i’ve made
please don’t give up
on all my ideas
for anything,
anything.

near silent streams
dance over every little rock
behind your cabin

i’m thanking the Lord
you’re not quite quiet

Insipid would have been
the word of the day.

but,

certain events have
transpired in the past
sixteen hours, which,
in their turn, have
effectively changed the
word of the day to
Refreshing.

n: the game we play to keep away
those girls who are no longer
repulsed by our nose picking
booger eating habits which
we used to find so effective in
elementary school instead we’ve
been forced to graduate to
glorious sphincter artistry

I love new experiences.
New names and faces.
New dives and dialogues.
New nights on new streets
heading towards some
new horizon.

But sometimes, I
really want the old ones back.

We would speak for hours
or I’d listen and
you’d tell me all about it.
And it made sense that
it worked that way,
and I never asked to stop
and reconsider the
usual course of events.

But what is one to do
when the truth of every
matter is disputed by
cold hard fact?

I’m sorry dear,
But I just can’t
believe you anymore.

It’s a double-edged sword.
The sky is finally clear enough for
me to see the stars,
But the heat has dissipated
from the lack of cloud-cover.

But I am not dismayed;
A wise man once told me,
you can’t have everything.
Where would you put it?

Fuck.
I’m tired.
But
I have to
finish
at least one
complete
cognizant
thought.

Diligence isn’t
or doesn’t seem
to be working anymore.

A few
quick
naps
do not a
good night sleep
make.

Think.
Fuck.
I’m tired.

the first night we
spent apart i slept
with seventy-nine men adrift
a roaring sea of snoring
lost
without you stealing
my covers–but then i
realize that’s why
your skin radiates
incandescent warmth
when i reach for you
in the middle of the
night. now i know your
thermal secrets

and I’m not afraid to use them
against you.

can’t get these things
to come out of my mouth
when my equations are solved
before i write them down
by the things they don’t
teach in school and you’ve
got to find them out yourself
and if you aren’t looking
hard enough, well
that’s deplorable.

And t’s sobering
to see the best of men sit
Fighting for 3 long years,
just to witness all the good times.

To make God Damned certain
that his kids have grown.
To make God Damned certain
His people were taken care of.

It’s not a death in the family
but it hurts like one.

Goodbye Gary.

We miss you already.