i get my fix alone
in my grandfather’s shoes
in my grandmother’s home
he left his shoes and tore
out his heart
she left her home and drowned
in perfume
i make my way to the
old sea
churning up sludge
i stand there and get my
fix again like all beasts but
think something of it
or think something will
come of it
i write with his pen
i whisper in her words
i let the sun asphixiate my anxiety
i shake the dirt off my skin
like a rug
i run head first into the sludge
i swim