(why we should learn from our
fellow children and sick adults alike)

(and why taboo topics always smell
better)

though spoken of lowly
accomplishes two things it

works as a firearm smothering
even the most prepared parents
in agent ‘green’

stings the nostrils – cleans
even the esophagus on it’s way out

not to mention it keeps the vomit-or
spotless

today and yesterday sit still and smother tomorrow

you leave, yet breathe, creasing me with sorrow

slithers’ silence is soothing

(announcing too annoying)

it comes and calms, moving along, knowing that time spirals regardless.

people put eyeballs in the middle of
a hand – evil eye they say will get you

i’d be much more afraid of an evil
chainsaw or perhaps an axe of sorts

run i would from an evil sasquatch carrying
a crossbow and chewing some copenhagen

even a statue of him would strike a healthy
amount of fear into the naughtiest of small

children. but an eye of evil seems a
haunting tale made up by a child of

only five years. choose your fears wisely
because an eye in a hand is a problem if

the hand closes, or the eye itches or i take
my spear and stab the eyeball out of the hand

leaving it limping on the floor like something
dead from a sad movie about a family named

adams.

from a long line of mugs
came forth one who was willing
to create change.

out of a family of avid
crest users roger was nearly
excommunicated from his family
as he stepped foot on colgate campus

the people there were paste-y white
not a few with perfect dental
hygiene
the boathouse plaque yellow

a mugs who doesn’t like the dentist
a mugs with four crowns before 24
a mugs who still uses crest out
of family loyalty

i did not fit in at the
freshman dorms

crooked teeth and all

and the people
paste-y white.

and so did an old lady
hobbling on a bum knee
watering flowers

there is nothing as satisfying
as slowly awakening
on a freezing morning
wrapped in the warmth
of a full night’s rest
not wanting open eyes
because you know
nothing can compare
to this comfort

so sleep

whether it’s a quick
twenty minutes stolen
in the middle of the day
or an indulgent twelve
hours when you’ve nothing to do

sleep

from the lowliest
vagrant upon concrete and cardboard
to the king upon silken sheets,
we all just make it through the day so we can

sleep.

it is the answer to everything:

long day? sleep.
ate too much? sleep.
didn’t eat enough? sleep.
just got dumped? sleep.
lost the big game? sleep.
failed that test? sleep.
poor? sleep.
stupid? sleep.
in jail? sleep.
dead? sleep!

Oh, Kelly thinks he’s so god damn funny,

Especially since I have no money.

When he’s got the sheep and I’ve got the rams.

He tries to beat me in poetry slams,

Sixty second haiku’s when it’s sunny.

Cauterized flesh wounds,

Once crimson by impaling,

Ailed pristine troikas.

says the bumper sticker
which would be placed
between the license plate
and the trunk
if i owned a car

four wheels to call my own
in which to sit
roll up my sleeves
– down the windows
let the insects in
my hair
my car
my ride

happiness is burning a cat
would be the motto
on my four dollars per gallon
gas guzzler

and people,
they would think highly of
the person in that ride

and yield to my wheels
because lets face it
you don’t mess with someone
who finds happiness there.

in beautiful dander flaming slowly

I can’t cuss like I used to,
or perhaps I never could;
when I speak explicitly now,
it just doesn’t sound good.

I like the sound of expletives
and wish I could make them sound convincing,
but whenever I utter one myself,
I don’t believe in what I’m saying.

My wife’s family cusses well,
and does so with conviction,
when they say damnshithell,
they mean it, no fucking fiction.

So when I cuss in poems,
the sensation is usually forced;
I try to use all words equally,
but they end up sounding cursed.

Every time I try to whiten my teeth,
I gag and wretch, feeling like
I will heave up my bowels,
but I still keep whitening my teeth,
sacrificing my bowels
in the name of science.

i never figured you for a saint
but i could not have guessed
a snowman

when we would dig in our yard
build forts and play
you could climb the tree the highest

and your awkward affinity for carrots?
is that like snowman eskimo kisses?

i feel betrayed
you’ve been so cold to me.

you said run

            i’d fall behind walking

(not)

            bumble ahead, stumbling

(nor)

            slither like you meant

along

 

 

when you think of me
think of
cheap jewelry
sweaty hands
awkward moment after
awkward day
or

my failures
even infamy

but i beg
dont remember me for
my
enormous ears