masturbating to pornography

it is dark she smiles at me shyly i stand up unzip my pants she sits on a couch i won’t let her speak i want no one in my house to hear her

her skin covers her
fat cells
that are
proportioned perfectly over her delicate bone structure and to me she is a vision of beauty and she stares at me like i am a million gaping mouths and i am hard for her in the dark silence of my bedroom

everything goes down perfectly
she strips slowly and takes time
pleasing me and when i finally
get into her it is pure euphoria

just like i imagined
just like she wanted

when it ends the silence floods back in and i pull up my pants up as she revels in semen

her name is candy bar or something
she won’t tell me her real name
she puts her clothes on and smiles at me again
this time her smile makes me sad she is leaving with money and doesn’t want to know my name, either
when i turn off the computer screen we will be strangers once again

i don’t know why i feel this way but i know she wants me to
i don’t know why i want her to stay
i don’t understand
like how bugs are attracted to lightbulbs
but sometimes they are designed to destroy.

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