i envy these men who dodged cannon balls
and bullets for their faith living every day
on the edge in the places they weren’t
allowed to go speaking to people who feared
them for the color of their skin, and while
i was born for this time here and now and have
come to the same place, these people are
no savages, and they respect me for the color
of my skin. and i can’t help but think my
choice in a very old and ugly vehicle for
transportation is not at all equal to a cannon
ball flying inches away from my head.
it does not require or yield the same kind of
faith. i labor every day wondering if i’m doing
what’s right rather than wondering how i’ll live
through tomorrow, and with my family this seems
wiser, but that part of me deep inside – that part
all of us men cannot seem to shake – that part
of me just wishes for a little more excitement
sometimes. all the while wishing my wishes don’t
come true.
the sieve and the sand 
“that part / of me just wishes for a little more excitement /
sometimes. all the while wishing my wishes don’t /
come true.” –need you say more?
Reading this,it occurred to me that Jesus was a successful import, and I have nothing against Jesus. He is the coolest dude in the bible in my opinion, even God is more clement and likable/awesome in the New testament. This may seem random, however allow me to make the following supposition:
God does not change, only the perception of God changes according to the fickleness of mankind, thus God in a bible is like a collage of different snapshots/pictures. Snapshots of God taken from different angles, with different light exposure, and in different backgrounds by different individuals with nuanced visions and experiences of who God is
.
Excuse me for going on this long tangent, but I guess my point is that I have to hold off a tinge of disbelief fraught with suspicion (praise the lord) toward those supposedly people of faith who transplanted themselves from a somewhat comfortable existence into a hostile environment risking their lives everyday (that is from exotic diseases, bullets or cannibals). I abhor cynicism, and I realize that there are people of faith or otherwise who do great things everyday at home or in a far off lands.
However, let’s not romanticize, especially when religion is concerned. I am not about to go an rant on Christianity, but I always question the place of faith within Christianity (that is Christianity as an institution). Personally, I think that without humility, faith is a pretty shell to show off to others.
And so I rather doubt that people who left their homes to spread the word of God were particularly humble but they did have a certain vision of God that they needed to share/impose. Saving the souls of savages (heathens whose souls were merely theoretical if not debatable at that time) was their mission.
God may have been the motif of the story (as history will have it), but hardly an actual priority in the realization of that holy mission. I am not trying to discount all those people as insincere or lacking faith.
However, humility would have perhaps allowed them to realize that God is not a commodity that you need transport thousands of miles to a land (arguably you can perhaps bring a different awareness of God). Personally, I do no think that you need to say “God” to be of God or feel God.
The same way flowers know God and are of God, and those pink and yellow petals brightening my room are a trace of God’s providence. Or when during a sad/boring afternoon I catch glimpse of God in awesome brush of blue in the sky, and in that moment something pure happens, and I can transcend a day’s toil/strife, emptiness,dissatisfaction or ungratefulness.
I do understand that being of a certain era comes with certain limitations and values which impact both faith and snapshots of God (some people do transcend the limitation of their times, and live beyond those boundaries. I hope I can have days like that…). Thus, I shouldn’t be too judgmental regarding those people of faith who could not see or struggled to see beyond color or other differences while trying to impart knowledge of God. However, I do take an issue with present day people (sanctimonious and all knowing sods) who stroll around the planet claiming to teach about God. First of all, the ones I have been unlucky enough to encounter had that appalling patronizing and alienating posture that was barely acceptable a century ago, the “shut up and let me teach you/save your soul,” the underlying message being if “you do not wish to burn in hell, which you most assuredly will if you do not follow the likes of me.” It appeared to me that some of those people/fanatics really believe that they understand God better and thus that more than anyone they have God’s interest at heart. Some others as far as I am concerned are looking meaning/usefulness or simply looking for someone to enable their God complex.
I guess what’s annoying is that even today people (that is people of faith[ not fakers/posers or profit inspired dudes] who travel around the planet teaching about God ) still position themselves in a hierarchical way when talking about God,and to me teaching isn’t necessarily sharing. You need to listen, but in order to listen you have to believe that the other person has something valuable to say, and without humility, well, the person next to you just need to realize how lucky his/she is to be in your graceful/enlightened company. Ideally, people could simply share their snapshots of God regardless if they are blurry, out of focus, too bright, too dark, or with a cut-out target; perhaps those images once put together could give us a better understanding of God.
Any who, I rambled way too long, this probably my longest comment evaaaa! My apologies, Mr. Mug, I guess your piece inspired me,although I seem to have forgotten what the initial reason was to write this comment… ah… I think it was the first stanza, “I envy…” I guess I thought, how can he envy those people?! The second stanza, well, I have to say I totally relate to wishing for a little bit of excitement so much so that I compensate in some of my recurrent dreams where I am like a super genius ninja/hero without costume who can bend time and space.
freaky,
life’s been nutty. finally getting around to reading this epic comment.
i understand your view… i think there are a crapload of americans who feel the same way about any faith, but especially Christianity which so strangely seems to argue that it’s belief alone in Jesus has a corner on the market of truth.
a thought I too ascribe too… but there are christians out there everywhere who are morons. heck, I’m one of them. But we’re a loved bunch of morons – at least attempting to love others…
i’m curious what you’d think of a book by a well known pastor who argues with christians that they’re leading hypocritical faker/poser inappropriate lives… there are plenty of good books of the like,but the most recent i read was: http://www.amazon.com/David-Platt-Radical-Taking-American/dp/B004SHZEXO/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1305504167&sr=8-14
i absolutely envy people who believed so much that others needed to hear about Jesus that they gave up everything (including life and limb) to go and tell others. But I also recognize this isn’t a very popular worldview… especially in our postmodern world.
-r
I am not sure if I can get my hands on that book. These days I won’t pay more than a dollar for a book (with few exceptions), I practically haunt used stores books looking for cheap books. I am not cheap or anything, I guess it’s just my pent up resentment from my college years and the oh-so-expensive textbooks I had to buy. But if I ever get to read that book, I’ll let you know what I think about it.
Anyways, my mom is also big on Jesus, and I think that’s great. Personally, although I was raised as a christian, I am going through an overall faith re-evaluation/learning phase (hopefully toward an immovable faith), and I haven’t caught up to Jesus yet/ if ever (that is Jesus as the son of God/dying for our sins). I still need to find how much of my faith is true as opposed to how much of faith I was thought ( my belief in God is clear while I am not sure what I truly believe about Jesus). I don’t know if that makes sense, but I think that faith comes from within(that is, there is a place for God within our heart, God placed a seed of faith within us),and faith is not simply like one’s culture (purely an external influence that we progressively ingest and internalize). So I do understand that some Christians have the passion to share their belief in God and Jesus, and it’s wonderful (you know, as long as they let God shine through them, and not the opposite, that is shine through God in which case they might inadvertently stomp on souls, and harm those seeds of faith).
As for Christianity being unpopular in the modern world, well, I think it’s better than being popular for the wrong reasons ( it’s when Christianity enjoyed a better rep, that many horrid acts were committed under God’s name leaving a trail of horror behind). Or perhaps, people are weary of the “Christians”(the type who give a bad name to all other Christians) who somehow always get enough limelight to spew the most incredibly hateful sh&%$$ the same way the six o’clock news exclusively give space/visibility to gruesome events/heinous criminals enough to make you doubt that there is good in the world.
if a cheap book is essential you could also try the book which inspired the post…http://www.amazon.com/A-Retrospect-ebook/dp/B002RKTE1C/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1305374722&sr=8-2
pretty nutty story of a guy who actually did what he said and believed… its free too… although you might have to read it on your computer… i’ve got an aging 3.5 year old iphone that still runs the kindle app… between that and google books I’m pretty easily entertained. -k