i’ve made an agreement
upon receipt of certain credentials
(which may or may not be
purchasable online)
a beard will grow
and i’ll finally know
if you married me for my looks
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the sieve and the sand 
i’ve decided that the moment i am really and truly bald, it will be time to grow a kick-ass beard.
damn you white people and your glorious facial follicles!
randy you have the best facial follicles of anyone i’ve ever seen… those 10 hairs grow with incredible speed and consistency.