A Letter to a Teacher in Response to a “Creative Writing” Assignment


Ashamed you ought be! Asking any self respecting

Bard to fulfill an assignment such as this merits no other response! How may

Creativity be truly depicted when forced, shoved if you will, into a set of rules?

Do you lack the respect deserved of the authors of great arrangements of words into towering

Edifices of genius into the un-

Fathomable minds of dreaming mortal men living eternally through ageless legacy? Of

Grievances there are many for you, not your ten fingers, nor your toes may count them.

Heave your penitence on your bib, like a child, and ask to be cleaned of it!

If only you could see the true beauty of each jewel of anti-prose. No

Jello composition of assortments of letters can be

Known as creativity. If you want ingenuity, you need words of meaning, depth.

Laughter is my rage for such an insult, and how I laugh and scream and hoot and howl!

May creativity be inspired in your swirling pool of molded thoughts and birds fly from

Newly made nests of these twigs to create a fine idea, a diamond

Out of coal. I ask you this – Do you feel some

Pleasure in this deviously crafted injustice you bring upon me?

Quite some nerve you possess to inquire of belittling the powerful spirit I do possess.

Reveal a truly astonishing request for each student to compose a piece and

Suspect may be a position you could relieve yourself from, saving that no ambushes be

Tactfully planned by you in expectation of these “requests”.

Undulating waves of imagination may be conceived if you provide them with

Vitality to nurse them like suckled infants, and the aromas of the sweat on your brow

Will be sweet in the satisfaction that your toils are over. But for now you have studying to do!

Xylography is an art in which the blade must be honed, and poetry requires equal aptitude and un

Yielding attention if truly understood. The ultimate culmination of these truth is a

Zenith of absolution. May the zephyrs of inspiration fill your meddling mind…

3 thoughts on “A Letter to a Teacher in Response to a “Creative Writing” Assignment

  1. This is excellent. Once I noticed your schtick and all it really propelled the thing to a whole new level.

    I’ve thought of doing something like this before as well. I had a teacher tell us not to do things almost every day. Not to use certain words, phrases, run-on sentences, so on and so forth.

    My assignment was an essay regarding the refusal to complete the original assignment.

    I don’t think I went back, though.

    Ah, community college.

  2. That was a whirlwind of awesome. You put brilliantly what I’ve been thinking for more or less my entire life. Through a series of subterfuge-esque activities, I may sneak into the English department and post this on every single door. (of every college within 50 miles.) In fact, maybe we all should. Any takers?

  3. WOW Tucker. I’m not sure how to evaluate this except to say it is brilliant in its essence and target……but I’m wondering if, indeed, it is a response to an actual request by a teacher or a bit of “spearing” either way of course it remains brilliant.

    Miss you guys.

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