I thought I wanted this;
I have been working toward this;
but now I stand on the cusp
of finally starting a “real” job,
and all I feel is ambivalence and fear
seeing the future stretching
indefintely out before me
into the obscured distance.
Mixed with the uncertainty
is excitement as to what might happen,
but along with the excitement
is the knowledge that
I may not like the future and that
the only constant is death.
And so from this cusp,
my only responce is paralysis,
in the contemplation of
the unknown preceding death.