Step 1: Abolish the Sun

surreptitiously slip it under the mattress
inside the air duct or wrapped up in a pair of soiled socks.
that shit should be harder to find than porn.
it should be gone so long people forget its color forget its purpose
forget the fact we orbit the fucking thing and begin to think
earth drifts listlessly on a blank page.

Step 2: Institute Permanent Cloud Cover

throw a big sheet of depressing gloom over the sky
it should be soaked thick with soviet cement
so uniformly it numbs minds
crushes souls acts as a collective headstone
making people constantly contemplate
and compose inevitable epitaphs.

Step 3: Mandate Rain

get those fuckers wet.
go ahead and reroute the seas to the skies
and revise the water cycle to skip condensation
in compensation for perpetual precipitation.
it should soak through boots socks skin sink in to bones
till they’re less likes stones more like foam.
it should create standing puddles so immense passing cars
kick tidal waves—or sink like ships into an abyss.

Step 4: Decree Decreased Temperatures

slow down molecules to a near fucking standstill
but never grant them the soft relief of an absolute zero sleep.
it should be so cold skin dries cracks bleeds without provocation.
passing pedestrians should be reduced to pairs of eyes
peering hopelessly from piles of outerwear
on the precipice of petrification.

Step 5: Enact Gale-Force Gusts

let trees street signs and people bend at seventy degree angles.
it should be so windy windows shake nearly shattering
rain from step three should be redirected horizontally
and together with the wind should pluck umbrellas from fierce grips
turn them inside out or send them sailing
leaving the defeated drenched denizens woefully wondering
“Why the fuck do I live here?”