…I am an artistic and athletic nerd with a social conscience, who occasionally enjoys bubble baths, is organized to a superior degree, and reads poetry (admittedly, celebrity gossip on occasion) while defecating…
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the sieve and the sand 
My wife: “That may be the only context in which it’s acceptable to use the word ‘defecate’ in a cover letter.”
My response: “That sounds like a challenge.”
and well played I’d like to add…