sometimes things happen to me
as if i had not chosen them
which in itself is a lie to be ignored
and redeemed
but i do them anyhow and i find myself
at a loss for words
and thoughts
trying to justify it to myself
knowing paul had a beautiful discourse on
the things he wish he did not do but did the same anyhoo

so i feel that way at times when
i’m not alone but feel that way

just like when years ago i would feel
alone though surrounded by my many friends
and take a stroll
i passed by astroturf set juxtaposed
to cement and the shiny blades i mistook
for real grass with rain dew spread anew
and knew

i really was alone