I wish you’d grow up… my mother said
not because I’m irresponsible but because i am a petulant child
slow to grow up-
I marvel at the smallest things
i still run around the house, i do not walk to the fridge i run to it
i dance unsightly dances and laugh silly- laugh hysterically, talk, clap my hands
and jump up when I’m super excited (never outside my home, though i sometimes slip up)
i interact with TV, have conversation with inanimate things
i name things, my car has a name, my kettle,… generally things i like, things i am attached to
I have few teddy bears that I like to hold (only show them to people i’m close to)
I dream of living in a tree house, time traveling and meeting an alien named “Voila”
and i think it can happen or it is happening somewhere already because i secretly
believe thoughts are living things- and someday i will go to a place where my happy thoughts and dreams have settled.

but my mother wish, I’d grow up ( though she likes that I’m joyful)
that is that I’d be more “womanly” (in my choice of clothes, in my approach to life in general)
that i’d be a tiny bit cunning, competitive, and worldly- that I’d want things that most adults go for
or that at least I’d have “regular” dreams
of prince charming or marrying a nice/decent guy, have children-
a “successful” life in short
I know she means well, so i take in the good intention and forgo the vexation
for she wishes me the happiness she knows
and I am still looking for mine and i do not think it hinges on prince charming, money or status
not that there are such things as small or regular dreams-
dreams that you dream define you,
my most cherished dream is to be more open, loving and compassionate
regardless of where my choices lead me
but i know, for as long as i live, i will gobble down
candies, moist cakes and, hot chocolates
(and enjoy it better than the finest of liquor)
while smiling happy (toothless?) smiles

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