Ned
December 31, 2008
There once lived a poet named Ned,
Fuckèd–just slightly–in the head.
He’s gone into hiding
(He now sells vinyl siding)
And lives in Dubuque in a shed.
In a Stall of the Metro
December 30, 2008
Here I sit
On the can,
A meek, a mild,
A humble man…
Let out a fart
And called it art—
Yet here I sit,
An unknown shit,
Composing poems
Upon the can.
Dear Denver Defense,
Tackling, I’m fairly certain, is in your job description.
Sincerely,…
Coffee reminds us
there is goodness in the world
(of course, the most commonly drunk coffees are adulterated and undrinkable).
Heroes
December 22, 2008
Ogden Nash, Dorothy Parker,
Tango & Cash and Bob Barker,
Marcel Proust and Baudelaire…
Above all others: S. Colbert.
It’s worth repeating: Stephen Colbert.
2666
December 18, 2008
One of the 100 most important books of 2008,
according to The Times,
even though it was of 2004…
the English translation is of 2008, just barely…
it looks handsome on the shelf,
and I feel important,
now that I’m one of ten or eleven non-Spanish-speaking Americans to have read it.
And in other news, I recently watched the film “Dan in Real Life,”
which was better than I’d expected and featured one of my favorite nonfiction books: “Everybody Poops.”
My Aunt Hoover
December 17, 2008
There once was a gal name of Hoover,
who lived in the town of Vancouver.
She approached every meal
with unfettered zeal,
and it took a a backhoe just to move ‘er.
Jack
November 26, 2008
There once was a Jack from New Jersey
who suffered greatly from pleurisy.
He went out West
to clear up his chest.
It worked. Then he died in a car crash.
Best-laid plans
November 6, 2008
Death! I tell you. DEATH! I say
to capitalism next Wednesday.
I know you hoped to try tomorrow,
but I’ve got tickets to my favorite show.
Is “The Little Mermaid” more important than our freedom?
No, though we can learn a lot from the underwater kingdom,
but I bought the tickets five months in advance,
before we’d even started on our plans.
On Saturday there’s a Macy’s sale
that I can’t miss…oh, don’t go pale…
Death! I tell you. Bloody death I say
to capitalism on Wednesday.
It won’t hurt to look good for the revolution,
and I need a suit for my cousin’s wedding.
Sunday there’s a football game, Monday there’s another,
and Tuesday I’ve got dinner with my mother.
But Wednesday’s free,
as we will be!
We’ll slaughter all those capitalist pigs
next Hump Day, I promise…oh, figs…
Madonnna’s in town; I forgot that I had tickets.
You can come; it’s best that we forget it.
There’s just no planning a revolution.
Hopefully pessimistic
November 3, 2008
That is,
I’ll believe it when I see it,
but I probably won’t see it.
The Nadir of Book Publishing
November 1, 2008
Stop Whining,
Start Living–
one of the lamest books
that ever was scriven.
