sleep deprivation
July 13, 2009
the wailing may be over
but the weeping has only begun,
and the only thought that comes
in the early morning hours
and late into the night
is that she’s gone
and won’t be coming back,
no matter what anyone wants
because this is what she wanted.
a rock and a hard place
July 13, 2009
when everything
piled together
becomes too much,
what is there to do
but to lock up one’s feelings,
to lock up one’s thoughts,
to do away with one’s humanity
and become something hard
that can’t feel the pain
of a lost love,
of a lost child,
of a lost friend,
gone for good,
for no good reason.
little shop of horrors
July 11, 2009
when i first saw them,
all i could see was him
sitting quietly,
defeated and in shock,
surrounded by those he loved
and who loved him best,
but utterly alone,
lost in his own thoughts
and dark memories.
no one had anything to say,
except for “i love you,”
whispered in a hug
or with a brief touch,
trying not to break
the silence that we all knew
would soon be broken in shouts
of painfrustrationdisbeliefanger,
as the realization washed over us all
staining our minds and memories
to match the blood covering his hands.
i hate running but sometimes it helps
July 7, 2009
heart pounding
breath burning,
running through the pain
running through the frustration,
finding peace on the other side,
after getting my heart started again.
a case of the mondays
July 6, 2009
monday,
steriotypically conspired
to ruin my attitude,
taking all of its best shots, like:
long work-days
throwing-up wives
unwarranted depression
unaccountably cold rooms
unexplainable hostility;
when will it be time
for bed?
Hello July
July 1, 2009
July came
with reduced heat
but plenty of shine,
flexing its thermal muscles,
ramping up
to what will be unbearable,
giving good reason
to flee northward
and not return
till fall’s respite.
June is gone
June 30, 2009
just like that,
gone before
i knew it was here,
gone again
like all the others,
with not much accomplished
with not much changed,
except for me,
somethings changed
inside of me.
The 30th of June
June 30, 2009
tantalizing clouds
hold out hope of rain;
perhaps there will be fireworks.
more than meets the eye
June 28, 2009
is my constant hope
surveying my transformed life;
is there more than this?
Authorship is Next to Godliness
June 27, 2009
over seven years,
i watched you grow
and watched you learn
what love could be,
and now i return
to your beginning
in preparation to witnessing
your penultimate story;
because i know so well
how it all will end,
i can’t help but wonder
what premonitions you had
and whether you were aware
of your maker’s plan,
just like i hunger to know
God’s plan for me.
laundry day
June 26, 2009
put it all in the bag;
it all is filthy
from the accumulated use
of these last two weeks
from everywhere we’ve been
and everywhere we’ve gone
and from when we stayed in
sweating in the Texas heat;
clean out your closet
and find the set of clothes
that you’d been saving out
for just the right time
that never seems to come
before the next laundry call;
so put it in the bag
along with your dreams;
i bring you home a basket
all nice and neat,
folded and ready to be put away,
all snugglable and reeking
of cleanliness and sanitization
so that all of the character
has been washed away
by laundry day.
intimidation
June 26, 2009
why i always feel this way
i can’t really very clearly say
for after all you’re just a man
and not very tall when you stand
but whenever i’m in your presence
my mind is filled with interference
and i can’t think of anything to say
to make my reticence go away
which only makes the situation more awkward
as i watch our relationship move backward.
overdone afternoon naps
June 24, 2009
slowly returning to consciousness,
confusion reigns,
as my muddled mind tries to sift
through too many thoughts at once,
not coming to any answers
but only being left with
fuzziness, perplexity, and sweatiness,
having no idea how i slept this long
and no idea who i am even,
except that my head wants to explode,
and my eyes don’t seem to work,
and every sound is only white noise,
so that thinking just one thought
takes me nearly as long as it would
a person of normal intelligence.
Mexico
June 22, 2009
despite having the best time,
i find a strange ambivalence
thinking about the cost,
not to myself,
no, but to the onlookers,
the waiters and waitresses,
the bellboys and barkeeps,
the deckhands and drivers,
watching me drop in a weekend,,
casually and with unmistakeable style,
the earnings of their entire
month?
quarter?
year?
thinking about what they could do
if only they had the
luck,
chance,
fortune
of a middle-class American.
deep sea fishing
June 22, 2009
and he followed her
all the way to death,
coming in the form of a
bite sized fish,
cast from a stick
into the swirling ocean,
looking too good to pass up
despite the imminent death
of his wife (or perhaps girlfriend),
hooked through the jaw
and then through the gut,
to be tossed on the boat,
taking his last vengeance
by bloodying my shorts.
