the sieve and the sand

I have tasted it
putting my whole
in to everything
and hoping someone,
just one someone,
gets it

I’l never get that taste
out of my mouth.

and they never quite go
exactly how i would like,
until sometime after,
safely shut up in my office,
with only Dell around,
and a song on last.fm playing,
i reinvent the whole scene,
giving myself the best lines,
wowing my opponent with wit,
swooning her with passive-aggressive charm,
and above all, showing style
as i say the exactly perfect words
at the exactly perfect time,
and there is no sense of lingering guilt
and no feelings of inadequacy
but only triumph,
exulting in complete and total
verbal dominance.

they always fail to reward humans
where a cow receives praise
simply because they call it cud.

(you’ve something in your teeth)

this poem constructed in my dream
had different words
but the form (very similar).
better punchline for sure

When they jingle their keys
and the music plays in their heads
do they listen?

Do they roll around on beds so
soft and big and lonely all night
just to prove they can
because god damn it, they pay
the fucking rent?

What happens when they
leave their different city
for the same city they left
for the different city because
the different city was so much
better?

Where did all those long years go?

oy these days press in on me
like walls in windowless rooms
with padded white cloth linings
screaming lack of money
lack of faith
worry worry worry

i know the cure but i fear the pill
because i must focus to partake

ache eases in slowly like the pain
in my back as i sit on these all too
soft all too cheap couches knowing
my posture is bad now but my
back irrevocably ruined

i know the cure but i fear the pill
because i cannot be numb and partake

up here they call me dr. hugo
i work at a chinese restaurant
where my boss
(an old chinese lady named mary)
calls me josh-ah
i have a scrape on my
knuckles from punching
the bathroom fan
the earth is monochrome
i am only charging the
sun a one trip-fee
for a round-trip flight

i am hoping that it takes
a hint.

I breathe
oh, but hardly it seems
this new lung so unusual

The brass is the same brass
the growl is the same growl
but I breathe
I can’t breathe
I breathe
oh, but hardly

And it sings!
The song not so strong
but will get stronger
lungs pushing against lungs
pushing against valves pushing
against tiny metal springs
as I breathe, oh,
but hardly.

Knowingly or unawares;
I cannot tell.

A single strand slung
around my calf or across
my chest.

Her long feathery threads
attach like lithe stowaways
on my socks;
cling to the gruff stubble of
my chin as if it was
the single hair to
escape my razor.

She declares through radiant
wisps that which is hers,

Wisps in predictable and unlikely
places announcing;
This man is mine!
This man is mine!
I claim him and he adores me!

Do strangers notice?
Do passersby see the signs?

It matters not.
The signs are there.
Her precious woven gold
marks me.

i want none of you and all
of you at once

i mean that both ways

i want to live freely
but exactly
and i want it warm
i want it right in
the middle, where
it belongs

but i’m having the
hardest time getting
all of that,
even down,
i guess.

or it could be any day
or it could be a week away;
and in the waiting,
it’s hard to find peace,
waiting for the inevitable
and the moment when life begins,
again,
allowing self reinvention,
becoming who we will be,
becoming who we should be,
becoming who we are,
and have been,
already.

i am very thankful for you
and all that you went through,
for all that you did
and all that you said;
but today
i really appreciate this free day,
allowing me to sit idly by,
eating pizza for breakfast
and watching tv all day,
attempting to forget my cares
and enjoy the moment, while it lasts.

You have been selected
as the best we have to offer
with your little golden statue
and your perfect princess smile.

When visitors from elsewhere come
and set their ships flying above
we’ll bring you out to meet them
and you’ll save us from their tractor beams

You have been selected as
the Best
we have to offer.
Please keep practicing that smile.

“The thought processes run
so violently this time of season
and of course there’s never
reason to the rhyming, all ignored
with every sore wide open, every
bled-out wound bleeding again
and everybody looking for a friend
what’s so important? let me
tell you. It’s those madnesses,
the little ones, that everyone
plays off as someone else’s
problem. Let them deal with
what they’ll deal with, and the
rest I’ll leave for someone else
to bother with, I’m sick of this,
I’m leaving.”

Wonder is written allover
a young woman’s face.

She walks beneath the vaulted
arches
and stately shelves
of humanity’s
accrued and finite wisdom.

History and Science-
Romance and Mystery-
The Bellicose and The Transcendent-
stacked neatly,
and made known.

The measured clicking of her heels
sounds throughout.
She releases a sigh
from a space within-
pillared and buttressed
and no less
marvelous.

She exits in low light
beneath a
glowing, jeweled-green sign,
and leaves the dust
clinging to
stone and wood
and pages undisturbed.

i’ve kept friends like apartments
changing every year or two

and when i return it’s not the same

the walls have been repainted
and redecorated with pictures of smiling strangers
the large oak table we carved all our names into
has been irrevocably replaced
so i leave
my memories and faith
unstable.

(a new sieve norm – once it’s been done twice)

you spent at least two years
too many
in a former soviet republic

received at least two
too many
massages from strong muscular
bearded men in awkward
spa/tea houses because
that was just the custom

ate at least two
too many
parts of the cow which were
never intended by nature
or God
to ever be consumed

gave your wife at least two
too many
drinks on more than one occasion
just to watch her motor mouth
impress even you.

left at least one
too many
pairs of em… soiled(?)
boxers in my guest room during
a brief visit
where the child you’re about father
may well have been conceived

(probably not… i’m not soo good with
the numbers)

you waited at least one year
too many
to join the ranks of fatherhood.
welcome to the brotherhood.

“but i am confident you will
be brilliant” (and that boy will
love a pipe, beer, and literature
like a man should).

(p.s. i love that it’s a picture of you with someone other than your wife)

for you and me
but right now
a kid like you and me (once were)
cries out for parent’s whom’ll
never hold him again

and fathers dig through
piles of dirt
till fingernails fail
and more
because children aren’t
something you give
up on.
no matter
how many bodies
are dumped via bulldozer
into trucks to be removed
after the already departed
souls.

so many lives will go on
so many done and gone.

It was the arthritis,
he said,
as he handed me his
envelope.

But he used to have
a name for himself.
A hundred dollar ad
in a local paper.

Must have sold him
about sixteen of ‘em
just from that one ad,
he said as he pulled out
his pictures.

That was the biggest,
but I only did that one
once. Hard working in
a shop with no heat,
arthritis and all.

But he used to have
a name for himself.

Doghouse Jim.

A hundred dollar ad
in a local paper.

e n t r o p y
fear
HATRED
[ERROR]
$money$
$money$
$money$
$money$
pots
mearcs
there’s a video camera every where to be seen
why NOT
PUT ON
a happy
face?
put yourself at the center of your map
program your gps to tell you where your at
g
ive
yourself away for cash
or a laz-e-boy
e n t r o p y
write your book
change your name
never resolve
never end
eyes closed
mouth open.

Pretty soon
Something is going to happen
(It may have already)
And when it does
The damage will be irreparable.
A call not for the dim of mind or faint of heart.
Yes, this is how the cookie crumbles,
And for unknown reasons
The perception has existed
That when it finally does happen
There will be a way (some way)
To place all the pieces back together,
Returning to the way it has always been.
But that theory has never been more wrong
And in realizing this, I’ll stake my life to say
It will be the greatest thing you ever do.

the long day deserves
nay
demands
the levels of sugar you’re about
to pour through these veins
chased by butter and popcorn-topped
piles of salt
i’d stop you
but my lifeless limbs
no longer work
(save the channel changing
finger pointer of course)

an IV may be nil by mouth
but these years
where movies were my livelihood
made the entitlement
so much more
alcoholic

I forgot my belt today.
Reflected in the glass
I see a little boy,
can’t be more than 2,
in khakis and a tucked
blue checked shirt -
a beard, broad shoulders,
and no belt.

if i close my door
will i disappear,
carrying on just the same
inside of here,
with nothing to say
and nothing to do,
starring at the screen
only thinking of you.

i can’t watch this
suffering
let it scream into my consciousness
burning reality searing sorrow
i can’t read this

i can’t do a goddamn fucking thing

my life choices dictated
by a dedication to help others
render me helpless

i can’t fly there
i can’t donate
i can’t do anything

for anyone